It’s a new year. There’s something about a new year that feels shiny, filled with opportunity, like there are limitless possibilities for success and balance and health and wellness and I’m here for it.
It’s a time that we are setting resolutions, deciding to do all those things we’ve wanted to do, dreamed about… but never actually done. It’s when moms are choosing words and manifesting peace and balance (again). It’s a time when we decide that THIS is the year we are going to run the triathlon, read the books, stop yelling at our kids and finally get our dog to behave!
I’m ALL for the pursuit of a better life and using the new year as a catalyst on that quest… but establishing new habits in all area of your life, improving your sleep, nutrition, exercise, relationship, work productivity and hair and makeup routine can feel like a lot of pressure. If you are feeling the squeeze of the expectations that suddenly, just because the date on the calendar changed from a 1 to a 2, you have to become an entirely different, supreme, flawless human being, you are not alone.
NEW YEAR, SAME YOU
So… this year instead of new year, new you… what if we approached the turning of the page to a brand new year with it’s a new year and I’m the same me… but this year I’m going to love myself more, be kinder and more generous and patient with myself.
What if, instead of resolutions and tasks and more to-dos for your never ending list of things that mom does, you decided to shift your paradigms?
Paradigms, you say?
Yep – your paradigms!
A paradigm is a theory or group of ideas about how something should be done, made or thought about. It’s a story you tell yourself. It is often the story society has told you. Your paradigm is what you’ve learned about how you should do things, what you should do, how to build your life and even how you think and feel about things.
Think about it like this: the paradigm is the filter through which you interact with the world. Your paradigms are the way you see things – think of them like a pair of glasses. They can be dark and moody, they can be rose colored, they can be anything you like.
So when you shift your paradigm, you are changing the lens of your glasses swapping the color out and adapting the way that you see the world.
What happens when you change your paradigm? It’s a fundamental shift in the way that you approach things, think about things, act, speak.
So it’s this change when the usual way of thinking or doing something is replaced by a new and different way.
A paradigm shift is what happens when you evaluate these stories in your mind about what you should do, how you should talk, what you should think and truly, how you show up in the world.
Here are 4 paradigm shifts for the new year.
NO. 1 – CREATE (DON’T FIND) THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS
“If I could only find a job that XYZ”
“If I found some more balance”
I recently heard this song – Made – by Spencer Crandall – if you aren’t a country music fan, he’s an emerging artist – I’m honestly not 100% sure that that’s truth – but he’s definitely new to me. Keeps popping up in my Instagram feed, reels, and my Amazon music playlist with this song – Made.
In it, he sings about how soulmates aren’t found they’re made – and that in relationships that last and are worth being in, you choose each other every day – that this life that you build together is a series of imperfect moments, real days, ups and downs – and that a great relationship based on truth and mutual respect isn’t something that, when walking down the sidewalk or into a crowded bar you just poof find.
The same is true for peace and balance and fulfillment. If you are looking to foster those things in your life, to be at peace, to have better boundaries with work, to be home more, to grow in your unique skills and abilities, to have a strong marriage and partnership, to be fulfilled… those aren’t things that you find on the sidewalk or digging in your purse.
Let’s shift into the paradigm that these things, the growth and improvements, the changing of our lives, mindset, ideas, feelings and habits – it’s work – it’s decisions made over time. It’s something that you get to create, day-by-day and even moment-by-moment in the way that you are showing up.
NO. 2 – BE PROACTIVE INSTEAD OF REACTIVE
Along that same line comes the paradigm shift from reactive to proactive. Your life… isn’t happening to you.
You cannot control what happens to you.
You cannot control what people say or do to you.
You cannot control the weather, the circumstances, or even your kids behavior.
You can only control your attitude, your actions, and the way you interact with the world.
You know what the great news is? You have control of your attitude, your actions and the way that you show up in this world!
Oh my goodness – what a blessing!
The one simple truth is there to remind you that you are the author of your own story, the captain of your own ship, and any other metaphor that you can think of that places you solely in charge of your destination in this world.
If you make one shift this year, make it one to being more proactive – make it one where you remind yourself day after day and moment by moment that you get to choose your thoughts… feelings… and actions.
Be proactive about making plans, implementing change and being clear about where you want to go this year and in the long term in this life of yours!
NO. 3 – FROM EITHER/OR TO BOTH/AND
The next shift of your way of thinking is to eliminate that either/or mentality. It’s the thinking we get into when we’ve painted ourselves into a metaphorical corner and we are insisting there is no way out.
Here’s the thing… it’s not either/or.
The mentality to adopt this year… is both/and.
Feel how different and expansive that feels.
Both – and.
You can have your cake and eat it to.
You don’t have to choose between the two.
You can make all of your dreams come true and still show up well for your family.
You can show up well at work AND at home – in both worlds with passion and vigor!
You can be an awesome present mom AND make time for self-care, for pursuing your passions, developing your creativity
You can stand on your own as a unique, awesome, interesting human AND be a part of a strong partnership where you are supported and you don’t have to dim your light.
You can show up in the world as SO many different things.
You are not limited by choosing.
You are multifaceted, multi-passionate. You are a freaking rockstar in SO many areas of this life.
NO. 4 – ACCEPT HELP WITH GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF APOLOGY
The other day Dan kindly did the dishes for me. I was on dish duty for the week and I had fallen behind. The dinner dishes from the night before were in the sink, the dishwasher had been run, but not unloaded and the dirty ones to go into the dishwasher were beginning to plot their move for world domination by conquering the toaster counter.
I had grand plans to get the dishes done, but ended up being pulled into something urgent for work, picking up a kid early and running them to the pediatrician and well, you know how that goes… Hours passed and the dishes, much to my dismay, didn’t do themselves.
Dan saw this, generously stepped up and did the dishes. I come home, having rushed here and there, mentally berating myself for not having done the dishes before… and Dan proudly slaps the dish towel over his shoulder and gestures to the sparkling clean kitchen with it’s fresh, clear counter tops and proclaims “I did the dishes and dinner is in the oven!”
The kids are running to him – Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! And telling him all at once everything that happened during their day.
“I’m so sorry” I said. I was defeated. We had this big conversation about division of labor and redistributing the work so it would be more fair. I willingly took on the task of dishes and I failed. “I meant to do it, then the school called, I had to go get Rae and my plans for the day went right out the window. I had plans to do it and it just didn’t happen. I’m sorry that I committed to getting the dishes done and didn’t do it.”
Dan looked at me, confused. Whoops.
The internal berating, that negative voice in my head that reminds me that I’m not good enough, on top of it enough, clean enough, proactive enough… that I’m not (fill in the blank) enough to be a good mom, wife, teammate or friend… that voice spilled over.
Instead of thanking Dan for his act of kindness, I was beating myself up and apologizing.
Let’s commit to changing the paradigm for our response to help from “I’m sorry” – apologizing to “Thank you” – gratitude.
SHIFT ANY PARADIGM THAT YOU LIKE…
I love this idea of shifting paradigms because the list of possibilities is truly endless. You could make shifts from:
Seeing yourself as a martyr to seeing yourself as a human being worthy of time, love, and attention from YOU and all those in your life.
Seeing yourself as a victim of your circumstances (and the behaviors of your children, particularly at bedtime) to being the victor who overcomes again and again.
Seeing yourself as the servant who lives her life in servitude of everyone else in the whole damn household to the Queen who is loyal and fair, but ruthless in her pursuit of her own mental health, happiness and healing.
Feeling overwhelmed, over scheduled and over stimulated to being the gatekeeper of your own mind, schedule and inputs. Knowing what is too much and when to say no.
Feeling like you are just along for the ride that is being a woman, a wife, and a mother and that you are at the mercy of what happens to being intentional about planning your destination.
Feeling like everything matters… and therefore nothing is truly important to getting really clear on what matters most to you & doing the world to nail down your core values… then to use those values to inform your YESs and empower your NOs.
Start seeing yourself as infinitely capable instead of being concerned about failure… shift your paradigm to seeing failure as a an opportunity for improvement!
And last but certainly not least… the shift from walking around in a haze of mom guilt for standing in your truth, defending time for yourself and being uniquely you… to giving grace to yourself as you grow, establish boundaries and come into your own.
So, my love, choose your word of the year, set your intentions, resolutions and make your promises to yourself – do what works for you as we walk boldly into a new year… and choose a couple of paradigms to shift as you take on a new year!