Alright, so here’s the deal…
There are three things that we do every month to argue less and get it on more.. Yep, you heard that right – today I’m tackling two things that are taboo, go hand-in-hand, one of which I’m super comfortable talking about and one of which makes me nauseated just thinking about it.
Money… and Sex.
SEX & MONEY
I’m a huge advocate of open communication about money inside of marriage and partnership. Truly, the data tells us that money fights are one of the top causes for separation and divorce in the United States and beyond. So, given that I teach this stuff and tell you that you should be openly communicating and working on a team with your spouse or partner about money…
I’d reallly like you to think that I have my act together but more often than not I’m on the struggle bus when it comes to actually communicating with Dan about the budget. But 100% of the time I’m driving the bus and only about 50% of the time is Dan even invited onto the freaking bus for a ride.
The truth? I’d rather just do it myself. Me, myself and I, we always agree. She never asks hard questions or judges how much money I have in the “Tracy Clothing” category.
My middle school social studies teacher would have trouble hiding her surprise if I called her up and said I was struggling to work well with others and let them have a vote on group projects, so I guess not much has changed…
But since I didn’t want to keep carrying the weight of the budget, the schedule and our families financial future on my shoulders for the rest of our lives, I (really try to) do these 3 things every month so that I’m not the bitchy budget dictator that no one, not even my own husband, wanted to be paired with.
Because, seriously, I believe it’s our money that we earned because that day we said I do, having eloped to Las Vegas, we combined our lives, our futures and our finances.
Do you want to know the best part? Our monthly money meetings take less than 1 hour!
Ok, here are the three things to do each month to argue less, save more, pay off more debt and have more sex.
No. 1
Checking in to see how we are both feeling about the budget – do we feel like we are overspending, oversaving, or goldilocks’ing… and it’s juuust right? This opens the budget discussion in a non-threatening way. Each adult gets a voice and to share how they felt last month was going.
No. 2
Reviewing the budget for the upcoming month. What money do we have coming in? Any unusual expenses? What are we saving for and when do we want to have that saved by? It’s the nitty gritty, practical aspect of the budget. We make sure that both of us have money in the categories that bring us joy and that we are in agreement with the plan for the coming month.
No. 3
Dreaming with money. What do we want the future to look like? These can be smaller dreams (Dan wants a new do-hicky for his tractor and I’ve been eyeing up some new Sam Edelman leather boots) or bigger dreams (for us, a lakefront house with a tiny stretch of water, a waterskiing boat and a dock for our kids to fish and frolic off). This puts the FUN back in your financial discussion and reminds you why you are diligently working to get your financial pants on one leg at a time.
THE BOTTOM LINE
The point is you don’t have to make a big ‘to-do’ around things to get all the way out of debt and get on the same page with your partner about money. It’s getting them to buy in, giving them a voice and a vote and offloading ALL that pressure from your shoulders that makes the biggest difference.
One of the things I’ve found makes the biggest difference in my life and in my clients lives is that, when they are talking to their partners about budgeting, making changes money wise and adjusting spending categories and lifestyles… start with WHY.
Identify clearly the reason that you want to make changes in your financial future. Get their buy in to the dream, the choices, the freedom that exists on the other side of making that dream a reality.
Once you nail down the why… then you start talking about the what. Then you unpack the process of budgeting, staying on the same page with money, and working towards the same outcome.
WHAT TO DO NOW
If this has been an area you’ve stubbed your toe on in the past (raises hand and gestures over shoulder to the first 5 years of married money life) the Money Meeting Checklist is designed to help you have a framework for these questions, conversations and dream sessions around money.
Life is too short to fight about money… and money fights are the No. 1 cause of divorce in North America today, so this is absolutely something that you’re going to want to get a handle on ASAP if it’s something you’ve been struggling with. There’s no time like the present, my friend. The download is free – all it will cost you is the time and energy you put in… and your financial, marital and sex life in the future are SO worth it!
PIN FOR LATER:
