Hey, it’s Tracy on Fulfilled – coming at you today with two quick reminders. Today’s episode is going to sound like a love letter meets pep talk because it is. Each week I send out emails just like this, in fact, part of today’s show is verbatim from an email I sent my list of women reaching for a life where they are fulfilled as a mother that went out last week.
My emails are love notes, inspirational encouragement, stories from the trenches of motherhood, free information, reminders about all the great content we are making over here at The Fulfilled Mom and honestly, friend, it’s the kind of email that, amidst all the fluff and nonsense that makes its way into your inbox on the daily, it’s the email you’ll look forward to. The one you’ll want to open. The one you’ll tell your friends about. Ok – enough bragging about how much I love you and how much I want to tell you about it and other awesome stuff in your inbox. If you aren’t on my email list, head on over here and get on it!
Here we go – two quick reminders you didn’t know you needed today:
YOU ARE WORTHY
You are worthy.
I’ll say it again.
You are worthy.
The reason this one made it on the list is that I used to feel unworthy allll the time, my friend.
So here’s the thing, you are worthy. You are enough. Not because of what you said or did. Not because you earned it. Because. You. Are. God (or the Universe, if that’s your jam) didn’t create you to walk around feeling like you aren’t enough, you are inadequate or in over your head.
You were born to thrive. You were born to do all the things your heart desires. You were born to trust your gut, know your heart, and expand your mind.
You are destined for greatness. You were created to live, thrive, be peaceful, kick ass and to do incredible things!
Why don’t you feel like it, then? It’s such a great question and something that I’ve been grappling with a lot in the last 5 years.
For me… it was literally this side of 30 that I stopped caring (quite so much) about other people’s opinions. (Psst… I’m 32… this is a very recent revelation for me. And it’s a work in progress!) It’s something I’ve struggled with since middle school, if not earlier.
From the outside looking in as I walked through life I had so many things on the ball – grades, sports, family life – then college, graduate school, relationships, marriage and career – external measures of success were on point. Seriously, if you opened up a Christmas card from us, one that shared about our first year of marriage, showed me with my new husband and adorable stepsons, one that announced (another) pregnancy, one that showed our family in coordinating outfits… but complimentary not truly matchy matchy, because Dan and the boys wouldn’t have stood for that… meandering our way through a field laughing you’d have thought “Tracy is really slaying the game these days! She looks so happy.”
And I did… look happy. And I was… happy. But I was also grappling with paralyzing doubt and giving way too much weight to what other people thought of me. And here’s arguably the worst part, my friend… I was putting so much weight on what I thought other people might think. Like there were times that I was losing sleep over a conversation, what I said or didn’t say, what someone else thought about the interaction and, dude, I didn’t even know that the other person was judging me… I just felt stupid or embarrassed or sometimes I was kicking myself for not saying something smarter, funnier, or wittier.
The truth? The other person probably left that conversation and didn’t give it another thought. Or if she, like me, was in the depths of a season where she didn’t feel confident in herself… she most likely wasn’t judging me for what I said or didn’t say… she was probably beating herself up for the same.
Here’s what happened to me in the last couple of years, in case you want to feel less like I did and more like I do now…
I started to pour into myself. I started to do woo woo things like affirmations and read books like You Are A Badass, Big Magic, and even The Bible – what a great a comprehensive self-help book, if you can mine for nuggets in there. I started to unpack and dig into my deepest desires. I started to surround myself in real life and in my social media feeds with women who were boldly and bravely living their purpose and not giving one single shit about what other people said.
In case you missed it, you are worthy of all the things you’ve ever dreamed of. It’s not free and it’s not easy – you’ve got to do the work to break down your limiting beliefs, get so clear on what you want and then go about the business of making it a reality. It is not only possible… it’s what you are destined for, my love.
Which brings me to my second point…
TAKING WHAT YOU NEED IS NOT SELFISH
Take a nap if you need it.
Take a break if you want it.
Take a breath – well all the time you should be doing this one – but pause and take 5 deep breaths when you feel like you’re coming to the edge.
A quick story about coming to the edge – we watched this video as a family – either on funniest home videos and later on the internet where it’s an excerpt from a show like super nanny where this boy is unhappy with a series of events. He’s walking around the house putting things in a backpack and ranting about how he’s had enough with these new rules and he’s decided he’s running away… to grandma’s house of course. He is getting more and more assertive and aggressive throughout the rant. My favorite line is when he insists that “bacon is good for me” and then he looks at the camera and says “I’m coming to the edge”.
Now, I’m honestly not sure that even I can make an argument here that is going to support his insistence that bacon is nutritious and good for you but… I find it to be delicious and so live your life and eat bacon if you wish.
However… coming to the edge… Dan and I have adopted this as something that we say, in terrible southern accents imitating that boy from the clip – when we are reaching our boiling point. Whether it’s the kids going berserk, the house being a hot mess, something that we are working on that’s not going well – we will look at our partner and say “I’m coming to the edge”.
Here is the thing about coming to the edge – you are in control of whether you go over the edge and all the way lose your cool and do something that later you are going to feel not so great about. When you feel yourself walking towards the edge, you see the edge, the edge is getting closer and you want to say, in a broad-way worthy accent – I’m coming to the edge – take what you need.
It’s not selfish. It’s vital. Take a step back. Take a break. Take a nap. Take a walk. Take a breath (or several, preferably deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth).
Taking what you need isn’t selfish. It’s not bad and it’s necessary for you to give all the humans everything that they need around you. Taking a breath and putting on your own oxygen mask first isn’t elective, it’s mandatory.
A quick note – you don’t have to be seeing red or about to go off the proverbial cliff to take what you need – it’s so much better to figure out what you need and make it happen so you have more margin and you aren’t living your life so close to that cliff, love.
So, that’s what I have for you today – the call for you to start believing that you DO deserve and you WILL achieve a life where you have peace, balance, fulfillment and some high quality sleep for goodness sake.
You deserve it. Not because you earned it. Just. Because.
You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are loved.
You are infinity capable.
Take what you need – because your needs matter.
That’s all for today – keep on slaying your life – keep striving to become fulfilled as a mother and if you aren’t already grinning from ear-to-ear as you open little love notes from me in your inbox – stop what you are doing, do not pass go, do not collect $200 – go straight to this link & sign up to be my pen pal! No pressure, but all the cool moms are doing it!