I was sitting at my parents lake on vacation with my mom. So mom and I are sitting there for reading. My mom is reading a book & I’m reading a book and in the book that I was reading one chapter is narrated by the girl who alls in love with the billionaire and the other chapter is the Billionaire’s perspective… just so you know that’s the kind of high quality literature I’m reading what I’m on vacation!
Ok, so I’m reading and it’s going back and forth her side his side her side from their perspective and I got thinking about how each of us in the main character in our own story. I think that sometimes when we have kids they become so much of the focus that they become the main characters in our story.
I wanted to remind you that the great thing about this life is that your kids get to be the main character in their own story and so they don’t need to be the main and only focus of your story.
So, back to the lake… I’m sitting there and I’m looking at my kids, I’m reading this book & I’m thinking about this main character thing and I think about how I want to share with you… and I look over at my mom. My mom is someone who has always been the main character and her own story and I don’t know if that is a function of the timing with that she became a parent, who she is as a person, or maybe it’s some combination of the two. My mom is awesome human being. She had this great career as a chemical engineer and a systems engineer. She grew her career working at a Pulp and Paper Mill in Central Maine where I grew up.
My mom had all of these hobbies she loved and a full-time job, so she’s working as chemical engineer. She had (and still had the COOLEST hobbies). My mom played hockey, the french horn, tennis, she would go water skiing, she would swim across the lake in the summer for fun, she has beat me in a triathlon in the past, she is an incredible quilter and can knit things like you cannot imagine. So I’m a kid, watching my mom have all these passions and pursuits and things that she loves to do outside of work and outside of being a mom.
To be honest, as a kid… I thought this was normal and I turned out completely fine! If you didn’t have a role model in your life who showed you how to be the main character and to rock those #maincharactervibes in their life, you can borrow my mom and the example she set for me.
You are the only main character in your story and if you think about your life for a moment… if we’re lucky enough to live this long life until our kids grow and leave the house and then were adults without young kids, the amount of time that our kids are home with us is a relatively short season in the lifespan of the average person in the world.
So if once your kids come along it becomes all about them and they are the singular focus and they become the main characters in your story you’re missing out on this opportunity. This beautiful opportunity that you have to show them what it means to be a fully functioning adult who has things that they love, who pursues their dreams, who wakes up every day in search of the fulfillment and joy and happiness.
So I was sitting there at the lake… a reading this book & looking at my mom sitting next to me and the kids are playing and it hit me how grateful I am for that example that she set.
Kids are so important in our life and teaching them, raising them and helping them to grow into who they are supposed to be is a huge blessing. But also, as a society we have become very kid-centric and we feel like life happens up until we have kids and then again after they leave but not in between, because you should be singularly focused on your kids happiness and making sure they’re doing the right extracurriculars and making sure their grades are just right. It’s exhausting!
We are entirely too involved in our kids’ lives and not enough involved in our own one precious life. This leaves us open to them leaving the nest and leaving us behind, feeling empty because your life became all about our kids. So how can you go about the business of slowly incorporating things that you are doing for yourself into your life?
How can you put yourself into situations where you get to be yourself. May I remind you that you are a stand-alone character who deserves to be fully developed to have passions and joys and experiences and feelings all your own.
It is so so easy to get lost as a mom in this modern-day. It’s so easy to feel like it’s all about them. As a mom there’s a spectrum of things where you get to dial up your sense of fulfillment in life and you can plug in things that you’re doing for you and you can dial back a little bit the focus on your kids and they will still feel loved and they will still know that you are present and that you care about them.
The truth? Then you’re going to show up better for your kids if you’re showing up really well for yourself. You are worthy of as much if not more time and energy than right now you’re focusing on everyone else in your life.
My question to you is do you feel like you are the main character in your own life? And if you don’t… what can you do to start shifting that? What can you do to focus on your own growth and happiness and development so that you do feel like you are the main character of your own life?
Certainly your kids play a huge role in that story and yes they have changed you forever and there’s never any going back to life without them but remember that you are the main character here!
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Looking to generate more #maincharactervibes in your life? Take the Discover Your Mom Mojo quiz and discover what makes you strong and uniquely qualified to be you WHILE you mom your kids.