It’s a new year, a new day, a fresh start. I get it, it’s a new year. You’ve committed to finally getting the dog to behave, doing seven hour-long workouts a week, not yelling at the kids ever again, journaling daily, learning to manifest, medidate and become good with your money, having exponentially more sex and cooking healthy, nutritious and beautiful meals each night – but only using one pot and getting the dishes done that night before bed… Am I right?
If you are anything like me, you identify yourself as hard driving, you’re wired for achievement and you want to create a more fulfilled life… while those are all great qualities, it’s a setup for setting super duper crazy unreasonable expectations and resolutions when we are starting a new year. Trust me, I’ve been there!
I mean, I’m ALL for reaching for more, for setting goals, making resolutions, and promises to yourself but I’ve also come to learn that changing seventy two habits at once isn’t the best way… so WHY do I forget that every year and set thirty seven resolutions in six different areas of life?
My heart is in a good place but I immediately feel overwhelmed and deflated when I default on 90% of the goals.
So instead, let’s pick some things to stop doing. Today I’m sharing 3 things that every mom needs to stop doing this year (and every year, for that matter). If they speak to you, fabulous! If not, choose one, two, or three other things that aren’t serving you at all
Doesn’t the prospect of eliminating things, clearing your plate and lightening your load sound SO much better than adding more and more and more to do?
The opportunity to take things OFF the to do list is refreshing, right?
It’s like a weight has lifted and I didn’t even tell you the three things to give up, yet!
Ok – here’s the first thing to put in the DO NOT do category this coming year:
COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
Here’s the thing about comparison, it’s the antidote to contentment & it’s one of the fastest ways to take the wind out of your sails and the spring out of your step.
What should you do instead? Put on your metaphorical blinders. Commit to staying in your lane, reminding yourself of why you rock and stop looking at, coveting, and worrying about what other women are doing.
We live in this time where social media is king – and we are spending probably too much time looking left and right in our life and scrolling scrolling to see what friends, family, strangers and influencers on the internet are buying, doing, traveling and seeing.
Is it just me or are 90% of the people on your Instagram feed currently sipping a mai tai on the beach right this moment? Seriously, is no one at work?
Instead of comparing yourself to everyone’s curated, cultivated, filtered highlight reel that is social media story, BE the main character in your story! Put in the work to develop your character, your skills and abilities. Lean into the discomfort of growing your strengths and improving your weaknesses.
Be a gentle observer of when you start to feel those rumblings of jealousy, the urge to compare and that tendency to keep up with the Jones’s (or the Kardashians or even that lady who lives in the big house on the culdesac in your neighborhood).
Being observant can help you to identify what things make you tempted to compare. Choose a phrase that speaks to you – something like “My life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine and I love it!” That you can use to remind yourself of the blessings that abound in your own life!
BELIEVING YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
Things that in your mind have told you that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough.
First of all – you are gorgeous and it’s the least interesting thing about you.
You aren’t good enough – you are limitless and way better than you’ll need to be.
You are smart enough – you don’t know everything but you know what you do know? How to learn new things.
You have everything you need inside you – the knowledge, the dedication, the skills and the abilities to learn new things!
So why are we telling ourselves things like:
- I can’t be a good mom and a great employee.
- I should be baking cookies for the school bake sale but instead I’m on another Zoom meeting, at work, answering emails, thinking or stressing about work.
- I can’t be a good mom if I have a job and I can’t do a great job at work if I’m always worrying about my kids.
- Having my kids in daycare, a babysitter, with the nanny or my parents or in laws means that someone else is raising them.
- Being a mom you automatically have to be a martyr, it’s the only way.
- My needs come last… they always have and always will.
Well.. F. That.
Seriously! What a load of absolute and total bullshit.
- You can be amazing at work and a rockstar at home.
- You can create internal balance and show up well in all the arenas that you choose to step into.
- You can prioritize your own care alongside taking care of your spouse and kids.
- You can show up well in your marriage, in the boardroom, in the operating room, at bedtime.
- You can give killer presentations in front of a boardroom full of suits and also give super fun baths that your kids love love love!
Here’s an embarrassing but true example from my own mind to highlight how this does, in fact, happen to all of us, even those of us on this side of the microphone teaching on things like mindset and limiting beliefs.
I recently had this idea… something that I had never considered even attempting. Let me set the stage for you – I’m on the ski lift – jamming out to my favorite playlist – lost in my own thoughts – blissfully and blessedly alone with no one’s needs but my own – and this thought popped into my head. What if I opened this specific niche brick-and-mortar business in my town? What if I served local women in this unique way I don’t see being done? And then… do you want to know what I thought? I thought – I’m not pretty enough, trendy enough, or creative enough to start that business.
Wait a minute!
Not pretty enough? First of all – not true – second of all – what does that even have to do with my ability to go into business, serve, the world, and win? Zero. Nilch. Nada!
Not trendy enough? Does this matter, either? Are the only successful female entrepreneurs all wearing this seasons fashion? On top of the latest trends in social media marketing? Paint? Decor? Some, surely, but certainly not all. Disproven!
Not creative enough? Well what the flip? I had the idea, didn’t I? It popped into my head, not someone else’s.
If I’m being completely honest – this “not creative enough” thought – it’s plagued me my entire life. I didn’t excel at art in elementary school, therefore I’ve been telling myself since the ripe young and impressionable age of 7 that – because I couldn’t draw a professional artist level pencil drawing of a backpack – I wasn’t creative.
I was in a meeting the other day and someone called me a hard driving creator – a what now? Hard driving? That’s me – a creator? That’s not me.
I’ve never identified with being a creator. Yes, I’ve created human beings with my body. I’ve grown this business and created this show… yet, I’ve never self-identified as a creator.
I thought, incorrectly, that the only way to be creative was to be good at art in the traditional sense of the word – like painting, drawing or sculpting – but as it turns out, writing is creating, speaking is creating, teaching is a form of creating… so I am, actually, a creative creator!
So, when you hear that negative voice inside your head telling you that you can’t, that you aren’t enough, that you wouldn’t be able to do something – the first thing is to identify it.
Hear it – listen for it.
And then… go about the business of proving it wrong. First in your own mind – find examples of times that you’ve done similar things, bravely stepped out or just not fallen flat on your face. And even if you did fail.. You got back up. Then, in your life – go out and do the freaking thing.
You, my dear friend, are uniquely positioned to win at work, to slay at home, to create a schedule that works for you and to do it all while preserving your health and sanity.
The last thing you are going to want to ditch this year – is the habit of should’ing on yourself.
Yep – no more shoulds for you, beautiful!
Any idea what should is, defined?
Should – verb – used to indicated obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s [or your own] actions.
When something comes up that you think you “should” do – repeat after me – No.
Now, if it’s something that you want to do, something that’s in alignment with your mission on this earth, your vision for your life and your values – that’s a Y-E-S- Yes. If, on the other hand, the “should” is something that you’ve always done or always thought that you should do and your yes would be coming from a place of obligation, a sense of duty or that you feel that is what a woman, a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter or a friend “should” do… don’t.
If this feels scary to you and like I’ve just asked you to step out into the unknown and start your own revolution – let me remind you that outside your comfort zone is where the growth happens.
Stop living your life out of that sense of obligation!
Decide what matters to you and only you.
Do what matters.
Do meaningful things.
Do things you love.
Live your life in alignment with your values and with passion and purpose!
Can I get an Amen?!
Here’s the thing about starting a new year, a new month or a new day – it’s all about mindset. Everyone gets all excited about a fresh start – a new year – a new you. But what if… this year… you decided it’s a new year,and the same you?
Hear me out. You are, in fact, the same you with baggage and challenges and imperfections… but what if this year, you decided to love yourself more, judge yourself less, and default to the thinking that you are absolutely worthy and infinitely capable? Think about how differently your days would go if that was the default inside your own mind.
Take a moment to breath deeply. Exhale your doubts, limiting beliefs, that feeling that you aren’t worthy. Inhale confidence, belonging, worthiness and possibilities. Keep breathing your way to a better year, momma. You’ve got this!